HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR EX WHILST GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE

Divorce is hard enough on its own, but when you’re still sharing a home with your ex, it can feel like living in the middle of a storm. Whether it’s for financial reasons, children, or simply waiting for the paperwork to finalise, many couples find themselves navigating this awkward and emotionally charged situation.

The good news? With some clear boundaries and practical strategies, it is possible to coexist under one roof without driving each other to the brink. Here are some suggestions to help you survive – and even find some calm – while living with your ex during divorce.

1. Establish Boundaries Early

It’s important to redefine what’s acceptable now that you’re no longer a couple. Have an open, honest conversation about:

• Personal space (bedrooms, bathrooms, workspaces).

• Shared areas (kitchen, living room – when and how you’ll use them).

• Privacy (knocking before entering, avoiding snooping or personal questions).

Clear boundaries reduce misunderstandings and set the tone for mutual respect.

2. Create a Co-Living Agreement

Think of it as a temporary “housemate contract.” Outline practical rules around chores, bills, groceries, and visitors. Treat it like a business arrangement: professional, fair, and focused on logistics rather than emotions.

3. Keep Communication Neutral

Communication is one of the biggest triggers in this situation. Aim for calm, brief, and neutral exchanges. Use text or written notes for logistical issues if direct conversation feels tense. Avoid using the home as a place to rehash arguments about the divorce.

4. Prioritise the Children’s Wellbeing

If kids are involved, they’ll pick up on the tension quickly. Agree together on house rules, routines, and co-parenting boundaries. Present a united front whenever possible – your children’s sense of stability matters more than who “wins” a disagreement.

5. Respect Each Other’s Healing Process

Both of you are grieving and adjusting in different ways. One of you may seem fine while the other is deeply struggling. Try not to judge or criticise how your ex is coping – and equally, don’t feel pressured to process your emotions on their timeline.

6. Use Time Apart Wisely

Find ways to create breathing space. Schedule outings, visit friends, take long walks, or spend time in your room. Alone time can diffuse tension and prevent unnecessary clashes.

7. Bring in Outside Support

This is not a situation you have to manage alone. Therapy, coaching, support groups, or even mediation can give you tools to cope and communicate better. Having neutral third parties reduces the emotional weight at home.

8. Focus on the End Goal

This arrangement is temporary. Remind yourself that this is a transition period – one step towards the next chapter of your life. Keep your eyes on the bigger picture and use the time to prepare emotionally, financially, and practically for your independence.

Final Thoughts

Living with your ex during a divorce is undeniably challenging, but it doesn’t have to be chaos. By setting boundaries, respecting each other’s space, and keeping communication civil, you can minimise conflict and maintain a sense of peace. Think of it as training wheels for your new life apart – uncomfortable at first, but helping you steady yourself until you’re ready to ride freely again.